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Note to pickpockets: Marines make bad marks

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - Bill Barnes says he was scratching off a losing $2 lottery ticket inside a gas station when he felt a hand slip into his front-left pants pocket, where he had $300 in cash.

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Calm down everyone, it’s just a trumpet

SALT LAKE CITY - A suspicious package left outside a fast-food restaurant Wednesday turned out to be a trumpet that has sounded its last note.

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Halfway house has new meaning for Conn. wife

BRANFORD, Conn. - A woman who claimed she was unaware that her husband was growing pot in the basement will get to keep her half of their house, while the government can seize her husband's share, a federal appeals court has ruled.

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Flutist arrested for street music sues Philly

PHILADELPHIA - It’s all in the ears of the beholder. A classical flutist who was handcuffed amid a crackdown on street music in a genteel neighborhood has sued the city.

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Bus rider banned over birth-control advice

LOGAN, Utah - A 76-year-old woman has been barred from the bus station after giving unwanted birth-control advice to mothers with large families.

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Model citizen? Dog Duncan registered to vote

SEATTLE - Duncan the dog is still registered to vote, and his owner isn't pleased. Jane Balogh signed up the dog in protest of a 2005 state voter-registration law she thinks makes it too easy for noncitizens to vote. She used a paw print to mark ballots on Duncan's behalf.

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That’s not what we meant by safe Net surfing

WILMINGTON, Del. - A fired restaurant manager was caught trying to crack a company safe after he searched the Internet for tips in the middle of the burglary, authorities said.

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Note to actress: Fellatio not a way to avoid fine

LEBANON, Tenn. - A porn actress who claimed she performed oral sex on a state trooper who stopped her for speeding lost her chance to avoid the ticket he issued because she failed to appear in court Friday.

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Simply put, this cheese carving is monumental

LITTLE CHUTE, Wis. - It’s George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt and Abe Lincoln — carved out of a giant block of cheese.

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Man attacks unlucky peacock at Burger King

NEW YORK - A peacock that roamed into a fast-food restaurant parking lot was attacked by man who vilified the bird as a vampire, animal-control authorities said.

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Greased pig (parts) shut Chicago expressway

CHICAGO - A busy section of highway was closed for seven hours Sunday after a truck tipped over and spilled pig ears, pig feet and grease.

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